Licking Catherine Zeta Jones’ Vagina Causes Cancer

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Michael Douglas has found out the hard way that licking Catherine Zeta Jones’ vagina causes cancer.

After being diagnosed with stage 4 throat cancer, Michael Douglas was asked if he regretted all his years of smoking. He told the reporter that doctors have confirmed that he didn’t developed throat cancer from smoking, but rather from contracting HPV while licking Catherine Zeta Jones’ vagina (source).

Thankfully throat cancer is non-existent in the Islamic world because the holy Qur’an teaches us that performing cunnilingus on Catherine Zeta Jones is not halal, as a woman’s vagina is infested with malicious Shaitans who enjoy nothing more than defiling the body of a man.