As the holiday season draws to a close, it is worth reflecting on what it’s really all about and what lessons we can take with us into the year ahead (something that is often lost in the mindless commercialism it has come to embody in hedonistic western societies). What is it really all about?
Cramming annoying shit we can’t stand into a box and shoving it at the tail end of the year where we can forget about it for the profit of the Jews, I’d argue.
Case in point: Christmas pudding. No one in the world likes it. If they did then why would we only have it once a year? Festive cheer? A euphemism for Tommy-Cruise-level annoying enthusiasm, which would ordinarily earn you a black eye.
So, in the spirit of Christmas, we should give Justin Bieber his own day. Instead of enduring 365 days of the intensely irritating little squirt, we can reduce it to just 1. It should be an easy sell if we harness all that child-star ego-centrism:
“Justin, because we love you sooo much, we want to give you your own day.”
“Sure, but to make it extra special, you have to promise not to so much as show your face on any other day of the year, got it?”
“But why can’t…”
“Because it’ll make the surprise all the better when everyone finally gets to see you.”
“Cool! What day were you guys thinking?”
The campaign starts here.