It is the time of the year again in which women across the world strive to get into better shape. Not because of any meaningless New Year’s resolution of course, but rather to be chosen by us Muslim men to work the springtime harvest on our poppy farms.
As you can see in the video above, 18-year-old actress Bella Thorne is one of these aspiring day laborers, as she performs a workout to strengthen her body for the back breaking work of tending to a Muslim’s opium crop.
Unfortunately for Bella her workout in this video appears to be more geared to surviving the grueling demands of the after hours ass pounding she would receive from her virile Muslim master. Clearly Bella needs to focus more on exercises that simulate lifting baskets, pulling plows, and digging wells, and less time taking stupid selfies while in the gym if she ever hopes of living the dream of serving as a farmhand in the bucolic setting of the Afghanistan/Pakistan border.